i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
