ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
