Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
