My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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