So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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