i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
