listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
