I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
