I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
