if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
