My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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