happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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