i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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