apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
