She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish you could order shots online.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
