Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
