so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize