Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
