I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
