why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
