took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
