There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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