Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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