What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize