At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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