I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
