So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
