He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
