So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize