im drinking this country out of the recession.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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