as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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