The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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