why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
