By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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