just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fuck appropriateness.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
