Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
