She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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