I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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