If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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