i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
