seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize