Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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