I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
