I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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