shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
