So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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