At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
