My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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