direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
