I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize