why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
