there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
