Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
