i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
