Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
