Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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