Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
wow bdsm is so cute
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
