I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
