I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
