I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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