Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
