The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
