i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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