u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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