And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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