Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize