Got a toothbrush?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
