is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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