New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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