What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
