I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
