I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
