So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
