Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize