my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Randomize
