I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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