I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
