Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
