Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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