I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
