im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
