I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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