just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
