i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
