So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
please come you make the beer taste better
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
