I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
