My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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