Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
