i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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