just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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