This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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