My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
