I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
